toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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