its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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