I have demons in me.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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