Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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