capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
bring money and cleavage
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
