I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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