Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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