my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
