I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
