I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
