honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
