Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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