I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
