if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize