At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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