if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
