oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
