he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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