I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
