We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
