You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
