if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
and you said cock pushups were impossible
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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