I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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