he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
