i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up