the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through