Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup