I wish I only lived at night.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
