they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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