The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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