In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
