just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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