i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
