I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
