I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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