If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
