I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
