I could have mohawked her pubes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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