IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
