No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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