I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
