Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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