wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
