As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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