nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
be right there i have to get my cape
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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