3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize