just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
