WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
