eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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