If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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