Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
