Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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