Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
