soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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