Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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