Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if only i could text you this smell
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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