You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
