Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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