Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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