I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
