Non-Jews are for practice
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
