I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need help removing her.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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