"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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