We won't sleep together?
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
