never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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