the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
