I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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