make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
